Displaying Category: Funny

Before Rudolph

Sitting at the restaurant eating breakfast I realized I was listening to Rudolph of the red nose who guided Santa's sleigh at night. Then I went to the hardware store and heard the same song (different rendition). I started to wonder... What did Santa do before he discovered Rudolph? Quite suddenly the image of Santa repeatedly slamming into the sides of mountains or skyscrapers really brightened an otherwise dreary day. See, Christmas carols can be good!

False Advertising

David Moorhouse's Jack Russell terrier, Rocky was stolen a few years ago. The dog had been chipped and when it turned up "on the grid" again, the microchip provider refused to provide Moorhouse with Rocky's new address claiming it would breach the UK's Data Protection Act. When Moorhouse asked the court to compel the chip provider to reveal the address, the court sided with the provider. The police also refused to get involved. Full story

So let's summarize. Man has his dog chipped so it can be located if lost or stolen. When dog is stolen, the chip provider refuses to reveal the dog's location for fear of violating the privacy of the dog thief.

If nothing else, I feel like this company that provides and tracks microchips might be misrepresenting its business if it is unable to provide the service it claims to provide.

Should respectable news sources allow comments on news stories?

The more I read of these comments, the more I think the answer should be no. I'm not really against comments on opinion pieces, it seems reasonable that if an opinion writer posts his thoughts, the news outlet should provide a way for readers to comment back with their own opinions. I'm not sure the same needs exist for "real news" stories. I was just reading an article about Lady Gaga hosting a rally in Maine to get the military's don't-ask-don't-tell policy repealed (by showing support and hopefully convincing Maine's two Republican senators to vote in favor of the repeal). It seemed like a normal enough article... and then I scrolled down to read the comments and came across this treasure:
Marijuana causes people to become liberal and more often than not also leads to homosexuality. I suspect that Lady G has smoked her share of the illicit drug. Now she wants to use her fame to corrupt our youth and lead them into a lifestyle of drugs and homosexuality. The ignorence[sic] of these people is just overwhelming.

I'm not clear on how comments like this benefit the greater community and more than anything, they make me sick to my stomach that we have people like this in the country. I mean, I know we have people like t his, but when I have to see it it makes me sick. It's fine if people want to post their opinions, but I'm not sure it's necessary right there on the same page as the article. Or, on the site at all. If people really want to respond, they can get a blog and link back to the article and post all the hate, vitriol or supporting comments they want.

And then there are the truly insightful posts such as:
Gaga's junk: B==========D

Everybody else in here's junk: B===D

So much jealousy in here!

And then there are the people confused by the Constitution who think they have a right to free speech on a privately owned website.

*headdesk*

Epidemic of Failure...

Found on 2TheAdvocate:
During the board’s meeting Thursday, several board members expressed an interest in the teaching of creationism, an alternative to the study of the theory of evolution, in Livingston Parish public school classrooms.

Board Member David Tate quickly responded: "We let them teach evolution to our children, but I think all of us sitting up here on this School Board believe in creationism. Why can’t we get someone with religious beliefs to teach creationism?"

Fellow board member Clint Mitchell responded, "I agree … you don’t have to be afraid to point out some of the fallacies with the theory of evolution. Teachers should have the freedom to look at creationism and find a way to get it into the classroom."


Yes, because it's clear public education has failed all of the adults on this board, let's ensure their children experience the same overwhelming failure of education as well!

Keep the creationism lessons in Sunday school, but don't mix your spiritual life with science in the publicly funded classrooms of a country that believes in the separation of church and state.

Dear Autotune...

Please stop abusing our music. We're through. I never want to hear you. The end.

Help me out here...

Why does it look like the Winter Olympic medals have been left in the oven too long and have gotten all melty?

Awesome People Are People Too...

I wrote this for posting on another site, so while the context is a bit vague, I think the message is still worthy.

And just to alleviate any potential confusion that post title may generate in readers, I am not referring to myself. Though, while I am a people, I am not awesome. Now, I have read a lot of profiles on here and elsewhere (dating sites or otherwise) and there are so many interesting people out there who talk about their travels around the world and how many people they've helped and all of their awesome adventures in being awesome people and hell, some of these people just sound like modern day heroes/heroines. They're awesome. Actually, too awesome. You spend half your life in other countries using your supernatural healing abilities to cure sick children and turning dirt into Twinkies for starving babes while drinking wine with your best friends over sushi and Ethernopian foods (though, I don't see as many people going "Yum! Kitfu!") how is your life not completely and utterly satisfying? And I know it isn't satisfying because you're on a dating slash social networking site looking for partners (in the not gross one-night-stand-sense, not that I'm judging...), so that can't mean everything is completely awesome. See how I used my powers of deduction there? You can call me Holmes.

Let's face it, life isn't about what you do, it's who you're doing it with. Dirt to Twinkies is a great trick, but unless someone is there to help you hand them out (or at least take pictures) then how satisfying is the experience? I'm not trying to minimize the joy of helping people out, that's great and satisfying in its own way, but it isn't shared with that one person you really want to be sharing it with. Am I right? So here we are, alone in our otherwise perfect lives waiting for our voices screamed out into the darkest night to finally reflect off something and maybe find purchase somewhere in someone else's head. I'd like to think it's working out for some percentage of the populace, anyway. Me, not so much.

The thing is, I'm really not a very attractive human, and humans in general prefer to avoid the unattractive people. I know, I do it myself. Which may have some of you scratching your heads because at the beginning up there I talked about my extensive conversations with myself that I like to have when it's quiet. Well, obviously I don't have those conversations in front of mirrors. Moving on... What do unattractive people do to be heard? Or, if we really want to get pop-culture deep, I could take an example from the movie Avatar which raised this concept of being "seen" not in the literal sense, but how another person sees you for who you are. Not on the outside, not on the inside, but the whole person. I want someone to see me. I'm pretty sure that's all anyone really wants, right? (That's Sherlock Holmes.)

Even these perfect people with perfectly amazingly awesome lives? Yes, even them. And I don't know, maybe they have trouble too. Maybe people just see their awesomeness but still fail to see the whole person. Fail to see the flaws, fail to see the inner monologues. Fail to see the personal tragedies in their lives. Fail to see their appreciation for obscure pop-culture references. Fail to understand obscure pop-culture references (kids these days...).

So here's the point I've managed to avoid for the last four paragraphs. Awesome people who seem to have their life together, turning dirt into Twinkies and such, they play this game like "oh, I am so independent and awesome *holds up some dirt* I don't need anything else in my life!" Except they do, because whether you are awesome or just a 4, you're still human (maybe?) and it's a fairly consistent component of humanity that we crave social connections. Not just "oh, I'm helping the childrens!" social connections, but real, true, honest, "let's hold hands" social connections. Someone to share crappy mornings with and Cheerios with and bad weather and promotions and day trips into the city to visit the zoo and yes, even dirt Twinkies.

And right about now I'm realizing there's no way to bring this back to being about me without it getting stupidly awkward. Oooo! Shiny! ...

Autocomplete is the best thing ever...

It is a fact that autocomplete in a search box is a wonderful tool to find the answer to life's most difficult questions. That is why autocompleteme.com is one of the best sites ever created.

Government is Autistic Boy

This handy chart by cartoonist Dresden Codak sums up the 42 essential 3rd act twists useful across a range of genres.

Uhm... I Love Cake...

Seriously, cake is much better than pie, but that's not what this video by singing ukulele slash kazoo playing duo Rocky and Balls is about.